Release Me
by besamemucho55
Summary: Alex can't forgive herself for what she has done. Can Olivia convince her that the events that occurred were not her fault?


**Release Me**

_**All characters are the property of Dick Wolf and the Law and Order franchise. This story is loosely based on the Law and Order: SVU episode "Guilt"**_

A.D.A. Alexandra Cabot was living a nightmare.

There were dark blue and purple circles beneath Alex's eyes. Her blonde hair was dry and matted. The young A.D.A. had not slept or changed her clothes in three days.

Her primary witness had attempted suicide because she brought up painful memories of his rape and his rapist, Roy Barnett. Now her witness was brain dead. A healthy young man, gone; Alex believed it was her fault.

The doctors could do nothing to reverse the damage. The situation was deemed hopeless. Therefore the boy's mother would never forgive nor forget A.D.A Cabot for what she had done to her son.

Now more than ever, Alex needed to be sure that Roy Barnett would suffer for what he had done.

There was only one problem: Alex could not forgive herself.

Every night, she would weep violently for the young man and for her own fate under the cover of a lonely darkness.

Alex blamed herself for the misery she had brought upon his family. She cursed herself for sacrificing his life for the sake of her case.

Little by little the strong, poised, beautiful Alexandra Cabot was losing her identity to a horrifying and merciless sense of guilt.

It deeply upset the entire SVU squad to see Alex like this, especially Detective Olivia Benson. Liv could not remember the last time she had seen the beautiful young counselor smile or laugh, it had been weeks.

Olivia could not allow the woman she loved to destroy herself. Liv cared too deeply for Alex to watch her suffer alone.

It was about 11:00 PM on a bitterly cold winter night and Alex was still at her desk in the law office staring intently at a case file on Roy Barnett. Alex would not rest until he was convicted. She needed closure. Everyone else had left the building hours earlier. Alex poured herself a hard glass of scotch and knocked it back; the amber liquid burning her mouth and throat, like an acrid poison.

There was a gentle knock at the door, Alex jumped. _Who on earth could be here this late?_ She wondered.

"Come in" Alex said cautiously.

Detective Olivia Benson stepped into the room. She smiled warmly at Alex.

_God, her smile… _It was almost enough to make Alex forget everything that had happened over the past few days.

"Hey" Olivia said sweetly

Alex sat there stunned into silence. Olivia took a few steps closer. The lawyer finally regained her senses.

"What can I do for you detective?" Alex asked wearily

"Actually Alex, I came here to see if there was anything I could do for you" Liv said slowly, taking a seat opposite the exhausted A.D.A.

Alex's breath caught in her chest. _She's here to see me._ Alex stared at the detective, a heavy sadness in her blue eyes. She suddenly felt numb.

"How do you mean, Liv?" Alex asked

Olivia leaned forward and easily took one of Alex's hands in her own. Alex melted at Olivia's touch. Liv instinctively began to caress Alex's palm with her thumb. The A.D.A's hands felt like ice. She studied Alex carefully before making her statement. "I'm really worried about you Alex; I can tell this case has gotten to you".

Her pulse quickened. _Liv just said she was worried about me. "_I just-I just don't know what to do Liv" Alex said softly looking up into Olivia's expressive brown eyes. _I have to tell her the truth; about everything. _

" I have to put this bastard away, I have to" Alex said frowning intensely "or else my witness is permanently brain dead for nothing, I mean he's just a kid, Liv. He is practically dead all because I couldn't do my job-"

Suddenly Alex's voice cracked with emotion and her breathing was wracked with uncontrollable sobs. Salty tears stung her cheeks, and her throat went raw.

Before another second had passed, Alex was in Olivia's secure embrace. Detective Benson encircled Alex with strong arms as the blonde wept into Liv's shoulder. Olivia stroked Alex's golden hair, and gently wiped away the tears from the A.D.A's pale face with the pads of her thumbs.

Alex shook in Olivia's arms, Liv held her even more closely. "It's going to be all right Al" Olivia whispered into Alex's hair quieting the blonde. Liv gently drew the A.D.A. away from her so that she could look directly into Alex's eyes. "Alex, this is not your fault." "I know things are unbelievably hard right now, but try and bear with me" Olivia said tenderly cupping Alex's cheek.

Alex looked deeply into Liv's compassionate brown eyes, and finally nodded in silent agreement. _She sees me, she actually sees me _Alex thought with astonishment.

"Let's get you home" Liv said, putting an arm around Alex.

"Alright" Alex said, wiping the remaining tears away.

Alex's apartment was incredibly spacious, but tonight it just seemed lonely.

Alex led Olivia into her apartment by the hand, and flicked on the light.

Case files littered Alex's coffee table, dining room table, and kitchen counters.

The young A.D.A stood there for a minute looking at the mess. She shifted uncomfortably, and became frustrated.

"I thought I could get past this" Alex said with solemn disappointment in her voice.

"Alex" Olivia said gently, placing a hand on her back "You still can"

Alex turned to the detective. "You think so?" she asked, the slightest glimmer of hope returning to her piercing blue eyes.

"I know so" Liv said honestly looking straight back at Alex.

Alex put her hand over her mouth and halfheartedly gazed around the room. _This used to be my home _she thought. She could still feel Liv's comforting presence behind her, even with her back turned. It was almost as if Olivia was radiating light in one of the darkest moments of Alex's life.

_Liv hasn't the slightest clue how remarkably beautiful she is, and I'm too much of a coward to tell Liv how I feel about her _Alex thought_._ _She could be killed in the line of duty and never know how much I love her._ The thought sent a severe chill through Alex's entire body.

Olivia immediately noticed the sudden change in the A.D.A's disposition, "Are you okay Al?" Liv said taking a step toward the blonde. "I'm fine" Alex said shakily. "I-I just need to sit down".

"Why don't you sit down on the couch, and I'll get you some water." Liv suggested trying hard to mask the worry in her voice.

Alex took a seat on the couch; there was a throbbing pain in her head. She began to rub her temples feverishly. Olivia soon returned with the water. Liv gingerly handed the glass to Alex taking care not to spill any of the liquid.

Alex took a few sips, and finally gathered enough courage to return Liv's concerned gaze. Alex took a deep breath. "I want to thank you, Olivia" she said looking tenderly at the detective "for everything" with that Alex leaned into the Liv's strong frame and closed her vibrant blue eyes.

Olivia laid back and effortlessly took the lovely counselor into her arms. Alex had never felt this safe with anyone before. Liv felt as if her heart was going to explode. _I never thought I would be able to hold her this way in my lifetime_.

"I care about you Alex" Liv said gently stroking the blonde's hair. _If only you knew how much_ she thought quietly to herself. "It's hard to see you upset" Alex, shifted in Olivia's arms so she could see her detective's face.

"This case is really getting to me, Liv" Alex said slowly, "Sometimes I just lose control, I'm sorry". In that moment Alex displayed a vulnerability that she hardly ever let show. Olivia was truly touched.

"Sorry is the last thing you have to be Al" Liv said honestly, looking down at the weary A.D.A. In reply, Alex lovingly tucked a loose piece of chocolate brown hair behind Liv's ear and settled back into the detective's warm embrace.

Finally Alex's breathing began to deepen, and the hard working counselor slept peacefully for the first time in days.

Olivia, still holding Alex, noted the rhythmic rise and fall of the counselor's chest, the gentle sound of her breathing, and the incredible beauty of her form.

Liv could not take her eyes off of the A.D.A. She could tell that Alex needed a friend, and that is exactly what she intended to be.

_If only I could hold you like this forever Olivia_ mused _, I would tell you exactly how I feel about you, how much I care for you, how I want to protect you. Alex, I would tell you exactly how much I love you- _"Liv" Alex said, her head still on Olivia's chest. "Yeah?" Liv said gently.

"What if I'm broken?" Alex said quietly "What if I can't go back to the person I used to be?"

Olivia took a minute to search the A.D.A's shimmering blue eyes, and finally replied "Alex, the only thing I can say is that we all feel broken at some point or another, it's just a matter of picking up the pieces. Sometimes it can be painful. Coming back into yourself is a necessary but difficult process and I give you my word that I will stand by your side every step of the way, no matter how long it takes."

Suddenly Alex smiled wryly and looked up at Olivia "Did you just promise me forever detective?"

Liv shot Alex a lopsided grin, recognizing the familiar tone of their usual banter. "I believe I did counselor"

"As the esteemed A.D.A. of New York City I'm going to have to demand that you show me some proof detective" Alex said with the straightest face she could manage.

"Oh, trust me counselor, I've got more proof than even a fine lawyer like you could handle" Liv replied with an equally serious face.

Alex burst out laughing and smiled brightly. Olivia did not hesitate in pulling the gorgeous A.D.A. into an incredibly passionate kiss.

Days after leaving Alex's apartment, Olivia had come to exactly two definite conclusions.

One being that she was in love.

Two being that nobody's smile could melt the heart quite like that of Assistant District Attorney, Alexandra Cabot's.


End file.
